All I Needed to Know About The Fine Art of Manipulation Came From a Pile of Dog Crap

I was young and quite naïve truth be told.  Yet, was by all rights, a saucy little gal for walking on the earth not even 4 years.  Dad was out of the picture by this point in my life.  Just me and my mother.  Skates were the love of my day.  You know the strap on kind, fully adjustable to grow with young unskilled feet? 

A bright and sunny day warmed my cheeks as delight filled my heart while rolling freely in the parking lot.  Danger wasn't something I worried about back then.  So you can be sure my mom didn't have me pasted with a helmet, elbow & knee guards (or bubble paper).  Fun and friendships were always the targets on my radar.

Enter Satan and His worthless minions.  Well, not really but it sounded good and also made me think of Enter the Dragon.  Perhaps though, it may very well have been.  Conversely it was two young girls who were older than me, each having in their possession two small brown sacks.  Brown sacks full of candy.

I remember introducing myself readily and without hesitation both girls propositioned me with an offer of candy.  O goody gum drops right?  My reply of 'yes please' was not detained by a single thought.  Until, of course they presented the gallows.  The candy would not be free, and it certainly wasn't going to seal the deal on any treaty or friendship. 

Somehow, in all my earlier meandering around the parking lot, a pile of dog crap twice the size of both my feet put together had escaped my notice.  How it could have been overlooked is beyond me.  Particularly since the nasty excrement was clearly dropped from a Great Dane or small horse (jackass comes to mind but scratch that).  It was fresh, it was fowl and was for some reason fairly present on their (Satan and His minions') radar.  Perhaps due to the heady aroma producible only from the egregious contents of the canine stomach. 

"If you want some of our candy then you have to go roll both your skates through that dog crap over there".  I pondered the offer for a few seconds, then agonized over the fact I would not be able to live with myself if I capitulated to their little scheme.  They even tried to sweeten the terms of their outstanding offer by unwrapping a couple of sugary gems and promising more than one piece upon completion of their request. 

Speak of peer pressure, it tantalized me for about 2 nanoseconds.  I promptly stuck out my tongue (but on the inside was disappointed on the loss of sweeties) and skated back toward our apartment complex leaving the minions and their dog crap behind. 

It's been almost 4 more decades of that now, skating away from manipulation and bull or dog crap tactics.  I can't say the score is always in my favor but the lessons learned that day were valuable and served me well.  Believe me when I say my radar for manipulation is well tuned at this point.  So much so, it could be possible to mistake me for a brash sphincter hole while in reality I'm just seeing through the fecal matter being paraded before my eyes in hopes of enticement. 

Back in the Saddle

It's been awhile.  Not sure the first entry will provide sufficient evidence of my cranial flow being copiously unclogged, but it will have to do and something is better than nothing aye!?  My previous blog was surreptitiously used against me in the court of law (no joke).  A bit surreal to go through, but quaint nonetheless.  Good for learning purposes and the gathering of mental notes about some of the asinine folk running our local and not so local legal traps er systems officialese (talk about the need for unclogging!).  
 
The first rendition of all things mentally mine, came replete with snarky opinionated commentary on whatever flittered past my synapses.  Apparently it pissed off of a couple of people in my past; enough so as to garner it's content for the sake of smearing my character.  More on that, but now is not the time.  

This current catch-all will have to be approached with a bit more savoir faire.  It will be a difficult task, for truly, my naked thoughts and opinions are certainly not laden with syrupy sweets nor encapsulated in glycerin for the pleasant digestion by the sheepled , meek, or sheltered palate.  If your political, religious, atheist, hippie-est, enviro-est, race-ist, human-est, flying spaghetti monster-est nature is easily piqued then perhaps you might move along in search of more suitable fodder to sustain you.   

At some point, in the hopefully near future, I wish to begin adding some of the previous content here.  Again, that will come as time and grace allow.  For now I am satisfied with a few tiny paragraphs strung together for no other purpose than to see if I could muster up the gumption and do it.